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WELCOME TO DOUCHEBAG CENTRAL |
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THE ACE OF SPADES Whats more douche? Wearing one batting glove? What about holding a double-barrel bb-gun? How about showing people your ballin' with 60 bucks? Shit, I know he was looking at himself in the mirror like "yo I'm missing something?, hold up, Jenny pass me the Ace of Spades, now put it in my bandana, ok I'm set" YALL KNOW WHOOO....KEEPIN IT GANGSTA, HAHAAAHAA! Aw sh*t where do I start. These OG's are G'd Up like a sonnavab*tch, I don't gotta tell you, you already know to tuck ya chains when you see these 3 rolling in the early evening hours, making sure there home for dinner. Fellas that ice is serious! Strawberry Swirl vs. Mustafa Von Chestenberg
Prepare for the ultimate battle of Doucheness as yoclimax.com presents....
Strawberry Swirl  Ladies and gentleman, it is my honor to introduce you to Derrick " Strawberry Swirl" Jones. As you can see, Mr Swirl is an immaculate dresser who does very well with the ladies. This handsome young man can be found at your local nightclub, standing outside the DJ booth waiting for the opportunity to shake the DJ's hand and tell him how "sick he is." Mr Swirl is an aspiring Hip Hop artist whose newest dance single " Red Headed Swirlie" is currently tearing up the charts. MC Swirlmaster has always had a unique sense of fashion, but after being inspired by a Paul Wall video, he decided to take it to the next level. Now sporting his icey grill, Strawberry Swirl is destined for success. SS is never afraid to cross boundries and be daring. Whether it's going to a white party dressed like a gay pirate , or over accessorizing pink outfits, Mr Swirl always delivers. Since Mr Swirl has not reached mass stardom yet, you can catch him delivering pizzas in his tricked out Honda Civic with the really loud speakers that all the ladies love. But don't ask this baller to turn on the radio , cause when your in the Swirl mans ride you gotta listen to the SwirlMan!! We recently caught up with Strawberry and asked him what his secret was and he simply replied " Super thin eye browz, it's all about the super thin eye browz, women really like when a man has almost no eyebrow at all... It's never failed the SwirlMan."   Mustafa Von Chestenberg  This middle eastern import, is by far the hottest playboy to hit the states since Carrot Top. Mustafa Von Chestenberg, decends from the Royal family of Saudi Arabia and is rumored to be the inspiration for Busta Rhyme's chart topping single "Arab Money." Always having a love for American culture, he now resides in Los Angeles California, and is a staple in the night life scene. Mustafa is very well known for the musty smell he brings with him wherever he goes, almost like a mix of cat piss and tuna fish. Mustafa claims it is his secret for getting women and that his aroma drives them wild. MVC makes sure to never bathe before partying and likes to wear his shirt open to really let the odor permeate throughout a party. MVC is an innovator on the facial hair scene, always creating crazy new styles to make him really stand out. Mustafa is the owner and founder of Butt Grease Enterprises, which manufacters hair products to give men that greasy, dirty look that women love. Though often confused for a gay man, Mustafa has made it very clear that he is a manly heterosexual and likes to show off his many tattoos to reassure people. Mustafa has over 100, tiny tattoos across his entire body but has been quoted saying that his favorite is a tiny butterfly on his buttocks. Mustafa is an innovator on the douchebag scene and is heralded and applauded by douchebags across the globe.  
Gator
I AM GATOR.... HEAR ME ROAR!
 It was a battle to the end for our two competitors this week, but when the smoke cleared, Gator was victorious as the first official YOCLIMAX.COM DoucheBag of the week. The race was neck and neck throughout the week, but by the closing of our polls, Gator had dominated with 60 percent of the votes. That really says something about Gator , and congratulations to Big Daddy Bif. Even though he didn't walk away with the W, he still has a very special place in all of our hearts. Thanks to everyone who voted and please tune back in on Sunday, 12/14/08, when we'll be posting two new DoucheBags for you to vote on.
Gator vs. Big Daddy Bif
Gator
 Ladies and gentleman, meet Gator. Gator is a simple man, when he likes something he really goes for it. As you can see by his delightful portfolio of pictures, Gator has found the perfect facial expression that just reads "I'm as loving as a basket of kittens." Gator doesn't smile, because smiling is for the weak, nor does he like not wearing a shirt that really exposes his chest. Because if women can do it, why can't Gator? A question that has boggled us all throughout the years. Gator really likes getting being tan... But since he living in Wisconsin makes it ver hard for Gator but he has figured out a great way to look "crisp" at all times. He's taken the idea of the tanning bed to the next level, and actually sleeps in one. Who needs blankets? When your sleeping under the warmth of carcinogenic light bulbs...Gator certaily doesn't. Before having a night on the town, Gator has his grandmother or "G-ma" as he likes to call her, whipe him down with a unique recipe of baby oil, crisco and WD-40... Gator also implies that there is a secret ingredient, but he'll never tell.... As far as the ladies go, Gator is an "animal", no pun intended. He can be found at your local nightclub drinking redbulls and palming his girlfriends ass while everyone else stares in amazement. When he's not "tearing up the club" Gator works as a guidance councelor at the local High School. That was until he was suspended indefinitely for having two females students shave his backside in the locker room. Gator swears his innocence, and states that they were shaving his back for an amateur bodybuilding competition that he was about to "kick ass in."   Lets meet Gators competition....... Big Daddy Bif aka Old Number 7  Robert "Bif" Baboonski, was born in the beautiful countryside of Poland. His father, Stashi, was a modest shoe maker and his mother "Olga" was a part-time prositute. When Bif was a young child, his father would shoot him with cow hormones and steroids to make him strong and manly. Later in life that strength would benefit Bif, but as a child he was very hairy and went partially blind at the age of 9. In 2001, while watching television Bif came across the blockbuster movie "The Terminator". After seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger's huge success in America, Bif knew where his destiny lied.. He too was to travel to the US, where beautiful women and gold would be waiting for him. So the young and naive Bif, put all his savings together and purchased himself a one way airline ticket to Belmar, NJ... Which was the cheapest ticket he could find. This was not a first class ticket, nor a coach ticket, this was a cargo ticket...which Bif accepted with great pride. And as he sat in the cargo section , surrounded by boxes and live animals, Bif was never scared. For he knew the wonderful life that lied ahead for him. A few weeks later, Bif was working in a pizzeria owned by the "Gallardo" family. The Gallardo's were kind people, who sympathised for Bif and allowed him to sleep on a cot in the pizzeria. Bif befriended the Gallardo's oldest son, Salvatore, who was what most people would refer to as a "guido". Sal took Bif under his wing and began to teach him American culture. He showed Bif the proper way to spike his hair, how to pump his fist while dancing and how to shave his facial hair into not 1 chin strap, but the elegant double chin strap. Bif is now a new man, and has quit his job at the pizzeria with hopes to become a male model. Unfortunately, work has been very slow for Bif but he moonlights as a bouncer on the Jersey Shore.   
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